Have you ever sent a text, Facebook message, Instagram DM, WhatsApp, or email, only to be met with total silence? If you have, you’re not alone. And if you’re anything like me, that silence can leave you questioning. How does it make you feel? What’s your reaction when someone doesn’t respond?
I’ll tell you how it makes me feel—annoyed and hurt. Especially when it comes to text messages or emails. What’s so hard about taking a couple of seconds to acknowledge someone? After it happened to me more times than I can count, I decided to dig deeper into this issue. What happens when people don’t respond, and when did it become socially acceptable to ghost someone in the middle of a conversation?
Reasons People Ignore Messages
Psychology Today’s Victor Lipman identifies three reasons people don’t respond to messages. First, there are too many platforms where people receive messages. It’s easy to lose track between texting, emails, Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp. Second, people are busy, and responding to messages can fall off their to-do list. And third, people often avoid responding because they hate conflict or confrontation.
Those explanations sound reasonable on paper—but honestly, I don’t buy it.
Studies show a different side of the story. Research from Viber found that 95% of all text messages are read within three minutes of being received. Think about that for a second. Three minutes! Not only that, but the average adult spends almost 23 hours a week texting. Yep, nearly a full day each week is dedicated to phone typing.
Considering those numbers, it’s hard to believe people “didn’t see” your message. If they’re reading them almost immediately and texting nearly every waking hour, why go silent?
When Did Ignoring Texts Become Okay?
Here’s another common perspective. Julie Beck at The Atlantic touched on the cultural shift around communication. She wrote, “There is an understanding that you don’t have to reply to any message immediately. Communication tools might be designed to be instant, but they’re also easily ignored.”
And ignored they are. We’ve normalized delaying responses or even not responding at all. Just think about how often you’ve seen (or written) “Sorry for the late reply.” It’s so common, and it’s a meme now.
But is it right to ignore someone? Text messages are an instant form of communication, which to me feels like there’s an unspoken expectation of responding promptly. It’s not about crafting a long, detailed answer. A quick, “Hey, busy right now, but I’ll respond later” goes a long way.
Is It Really About Common Courtesy?
At the heart of it, ignoring someone comes down to one of two things. Either you’re annoyed or can’t be bothered. And in both cases, doesn’t it just boil down to common courtesy? If someone reaches out to you, isn’t it polite to at least acknowledge them?
If you’re annoyed, say something. If you’re too busy, send a quick note to say you’ll follow up. And if you genuinely don’t care to reply, then maybe that’s a more considerable reflection of the relationship. Shouldn’t communication be based on mutual respect?
The Bigger Picture
Ignoring messages might seem trivial, but it reflects something more significant about our expectations and manners in today’s digital age. Instant messaging was invented to make communication easier and faster. Ironically, it’s also made it easier to ghost people or delay messages so much that they lose their importance altogether.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about instant messaging response times and text message etiquette. Why do you think people ignore messages, and how do you handle it when they do? Drop me a comment—I promise to respond!
